Well, where do I start ... how do I start .... not so easy!
My name is Natalie, I am 38 years old, married and mother of two beautiful children.
I had cancer ... for 8 years, a period with a lot of chemotherapy, radiation, antibody therapies and other treatments. I have shed many tears over the years, endured many fears that drove me into depression .... I even was in a psychiatric clinic. But thanks to my wonderful family I have survived this time and after a few weeks I could already stop taking the antidepressants. It was no use ... we had to get through it!
Mid-January 2013 ..... the bad news ... the cancer has spread even further ... all the treatments have not worked..... they could not do much for me ... a cure is no longer possible.
That was such a blow, ... I was so desperate, I was just not ready to go. I always wanted to see my kids get married .... would like to be a grandmother .... wanted to travel to so many countries and live with my husband at some point in a small finca in Spain, wanted, wanted ... wanted ... still so much!
Since I had already attended several seminars by Clemens Kuby, I remembered the name of Don Agustin. Since there are these shamans in Peru .... should I google again? Said ... done!There was offered a trip to Peru already in a week. I then wanted to get information on everything I could .... I would get through this ... in the jungle with no electricity, no water and then the Ayuasca ceremonies who seemed tremendously scary to me .... but what did I have to lose?
My husband gave me courage and said, if there are still places available then we do it together. And the trip was booked at once!
Only one week to prepare for it .... but it was so good ... I had no time to think more about the cancer. I had backpacks to think about, white clothing for ceremonies, anti-mosquito spray, etc.
Although I was very excited, I had such a good feeling inside of me .... I do not know why ... but I really hoped I did the right thing.
January 24, 2013 came fast, the day we left! At half past five in the morning we left for Cologne airport. We got there and there was a strike .... our plane didn´t fly to Amsterdam ... so we had to take the bus there. I thought .... this can not be true .... this is already going well! But since we had enough time in Amsterdam we still managed to catch our connecting flight to Lima.
In the departure lounge, we met and introduced ourselves to 3 other participants of this trip. Now it was serious ... we were asked to board ... and there I lost my courage .... I could not stop crying and I had a terrible fear that I was doing the wrong thing . The other passengers thought that I was afraid of flying ... If only that had been it! I was afraid to commit a mistake. Suddenly it occurred to me if this time would not have been better spent with my children, or better again to go with my whole family on holiday to Bali .... because I have always wanted to go there. I already felt such a strong longing for my children, that it hurt. Vivien my daughter had deliberately not been there to say goodbye. It was to heavy for her. I was afraid ... very afraid.
Holger took me in his arms and said we must not do that. No matter what my decision would be he would stand beside me. And I pulled myself together and got myself on the plane .... okay Don Agustin … here we come!
After a long flight we arrived in Lima where our guide was waiting for us. We stayed two nights in Lima to get accustomed to the climate and to have a look around. It was very nice, because there we also had the chance to get to know the other participants. Very different people with very different reasons for this trip.
On Saturday, January 26, 2013, we left very early in the morning. Then we sat in the plane direction Iguitos ..... the adventure could begin.
First we went to a hotel where we could store our valuables and winter jackets. While we were waiting there, he was suddenly in the room and said, "! Buenos Dias" I could not believe it ... there he was .... and this moment was so important to me, since I could not know in advance whether I would like him! He came up to me, took me in his arms and said "Hola Princessa" I looked into his eyes and immediately felt that I can trust him ..... oh my goodness ... now when I am writing this I already start crying!
He introduced himself to all participants ... then he went to my husband took him by the hand and said, "Come!" And they were gone! I thought that Agustin needed Holgers help to carry something. After about half an hour they were back. Holger told me then that Agustin bought him a bottle of water and walked with him down to the Amazon. There, they were looking at the Amazon for a while without talking. I think Agustin noticed Holgers fear and wanted to show him he is there for him. I think for both of them it was love at first sight!
Then we went to the boats, because we still had an approximately 2-hour trip on the Amazon direction jungle. The ride was beautiful and I was blown away by the scenery and suddenly I felt a sense of crazy happiness to be allowed to see this!
The jungle was fast approaching and we arrived in Tamshiyacu,the last village before Agustins Camp. There quite a lot of kids were waiting wanting to carry our luggage to the village. I do not know how they do it, it was often very large and heavy suitcases, which they carry on their heads about 8 miles to the camp. We've walked this way only with great difficulty without luggage! It was very hot and we were introduced for the first time to the mosquitoes. The palm trees and plants, however, were absolutely amazing .... I've never seen in my life so beautiful palm trees .... yes, the rainforest is already something very special!
So, there we were in this beautiful camp .... it looks like a painting .... If there would have been showers, electricity and proper toilets, it would be a dream! Very quickly though, we have realized that it is good that such things are not there .... it's amazing how little man really need and how well you get along without it. This everyone should experience once ... we are all very spoiled with our luxury!
Holger and I were given a small cottage for us alone, because we were a couple. We even had our own earth toilets up there. When I first used it, I was choking, but it's amazing how you get used to everything ... was just annoying that you always had to fan around your bum so the mosquitoes did not bite all of it!!
The same afternoon, the first meeting took place where everyone told the reason why he was there. We were two groups which consisted of 16 men. We were 3 people with cancer and MS. To the two other cancer patients he told them directly that he will heal them.... to me he has only listened to everything and said nothing .... The fear was there again .... what did it mean .. .. does that mean he can not help me? Holger encouraged me and said I had to be patient since the cancer had already spread to so many places in my body.
The rest of the day was spent to look around. We got our first meal ... rice and vegetables. Then we went to have a bathe in a stream. This was the community bath for all participants. For me it took some getting used to as I am not one of those people who love to be naked. The whole time I always wore a bikini while others were running around naked like there is nothing more normal! But well ... everyone is just different!
In the evening we all sat together and had a little talk. While we did this Agustin passed by us with a cup in his hand. What I forgot to mention is that Holger at this meeting told that he had stomach pain for years ... Agustin said that he had a really great medicine for that! ... After a while, Agustin came back with the cup .... the cup was filled with a strange-looking yellow liquid .... we just thought ... could it be wee in there! Since some of us this evening should get their first medicine, Holger was laughing and gloating to them and told of our observation. While he was still doing that, Agustin asked me for my husband ..... it was too funny to say: "Holger .... medicine for you"! The face I'll never forget! That evening we went to bed very early. Before sleeping you always had to look with a torch in the whole room and bed for spiders or other bugs .... then quickly to bed, close the curtains and hope that you didn't overlook any mosquito! The sounds during the night in the jungle can not be described, it's very loud, but very calming .... never in my life did I sleep as good as there.
Today, the detoxification should take place of which I had read before. We all sat outside in a circle, waiting for things to begin. Agustin was sitting in middle at a table, and next to him stood a blackboard with 14 different hours of the day written on it, sometimes it's good if you do not know beforehand ... what all this was about! We all got a glass with a white liquid and about 5-6 half oranges to eat after taking the medicine. Well, we learned what the hours of the day meant .... every quarter of an hour we had to drink a glass of water .... it does not sound to bad .... but it is! This water tastes like bacon ... really bacon .... just thinking of it I still get goose bumps! After the third glass some of us already started to vomit .... we saw one after the other disappear into the jungle. Holger started after the seventh glass ..... then you think .... do I really do this voluntarily?? The vomit looked to all participants the same, Holger said it looked like popcorn! Agustin explained that these would be the all the parasites that came out. After Holger had vomited 4 times he was again top fit ..... but others weren't seen for a long while, they felt so bad. Unfortunately I could not vomit, I really wanted to. I felt terrible .... but then came the big diarrhea ..... I thought my earth closet would be my second home! My bum was still burning hours later ... haha! Strangely, we recovered very quickly and felt good again, and then came the first feelings of hunger. Tough luck .... today there was no dinner, because in the evening the first Ayuasca ceremony took place.So we all went swimming again. After that we should rest and all appear at 17.00 clock in white clothes at the meeting point. Holger and I were really afraid of the first ceremony .... we had heard so many horror stories about it before!
Before the ceremony, we all drunk a cup of tea together and then we went into the temple. There we were able to lay pictures, letters or requests on a big table ... we both had a letter with our desires for the people who are important to us. Then we went to our place ... also there you sit in a circle and each has a bucket under his seat .... should this vomiting never stop?
Holger and I first smoked a Mapacho .... these are quite thick-rolled cigarettes. Who during the ceremonies are of great importance, with the smoke, all negative energies are dispelled. When the shaman blew out the smoke it created beautiful sounds. On top it is a good remedy against the mosquitoes .... because we were already bitten quite a bit. Now we sat and watched as Agustin only by candlelight was making preparations. At first the women were asked to come forward .... Agustin blesses Ayuasca and then we all hold our glasses up and thank all his spiritual helpers. So … now the moment has arrived .... I drink it for the first time in my life .... and it tastes awful! Then it was the mens turn and so Holger also got his share. Then, all the candles were blown out and we sat there in the dark. Agustin went to each one and blew smoke on the head, on the forehead, into the soul, and on the back. Somehow it feels very special when he does that ... I always felt very comfortable. After that we went on with the healing songs ..... it's just beautiful. When you consider that this man will be 80 this year , and during 4-5 hours a day he drums, sings and plays other instruments with much love and devotion, then you would not believe his age. His voice and the songs are beautiful .... and if you have not experienced it yourself, you can not imagine the atmosphere .... it feels holy! Some of the participants have also sung in between and it was impressive what beautiful voices some among us have! But in between we kept hearing this familiar sound ... many of the participants had to throw up again! While we listened to the music I got my first vision .... I could not imagine something like this before but it really happened. I saw myself go on a suspension bridge .... I ran and ran and ran .... I do not know how long it lasted but I never reached the other end! After that, I was suddenly on a staircase ... cellar stairs that led down .... and when I looked down it was all black .... but before I knew it I fell into the black and woke up as if you dream that you fall off somewhere. What did it all mean? ... I think it was a reflection of my soul.
After that I had no more visions ... and I felt very tired! After the healing chants then the healings started. I was very excited. At first it was Heidi's turn, she also had cancer. After that Agustin brought me over. I lay down on a bed that stood in the middle of the temple that had first been cleaned with a lot of smoke. I closed my eyes and thanked again and again for my healing. It was very quiet in the room and I do not really know what Agustin did because I had closed my eyes. But then he started touching me .... he pulled quite firmly in my skin at all places where the cancer was .... even on my eyes, and I thought he would have them in his hand. It was very painful and days after I still had red welts on my belly. He also blew a lot of smoke in my head .... probably so all my negative thoughts disappear. I clenched my hands and continued thanking for my healing. After about 45 minutes my examination/surgery was over and I went back to my seat. After me there were still 3 more healings as they again sang and drummed and we all danced to it. This was our first Ayahuasca ceremony which lasted about 6-7 hours. Holger had unfortunately no visions .... but Agustin said that it would not be bad, because the plant still has a healing effect.
Continued ....... Please excuse any spelling errors!
Now we were at the temple talking a little with each other and I smoked a cigarette. I decided to quickly go to the bathroom because our toilet at the hut was a little further off and that was always a bit uncomfortable in the dark. I came back and Holger looked very surprised ... and got goose bumps. Exactly this scene he had seen in a dream many years ago! I come to him on the dock, in white clothes .... even the environment was identical! He could not believe it .... it had to mean that many years ago it was clear ... we would eventually be here together? We were both sure that this would be a good sign.
Then we went to bed early, because we were very tired.
Taking medicine at the 7 o´clock meeting! This ritual was repeated every morning and the walk there was heavier by the day. The medicine had a taste and appearance that was difficult getting used to. We were really shaking while drinking it! Everyone was given a glass ... Agustin went from person to person and then decided the amount ... we kept all our glasses high and thanked his spiritual helpers. Especially one medicine which consisted of a lot of ginger was particularly bad .... the flavor was very intense and I thought it would burn my throat away. Even the faces of the others always spoke volumes. Then .... what else? Yes swim, of course! Then there was finally something to eat ... breakfast .... oh, what a surprise ... there was rice and vegetables!! Meanwhile all us participants knew each other better and so we had to tell much more. We had a crazy troupe! There was the sweet Moni ... I always called her my positive crazy Moni (I know you smile now)! We had many good conversations and also many similarities. Then there was also the lovely Martina, who always walked through the jungle in the warmest temperatures with her heavy winter boots! At 9.00 o´ clock there was a meeting, each telling of his experiences with the Ayuasca ceremony. This was always very interesting and you were told of many incredible visions. Valeria e.g. saw in her vision Holger standing in water praying ... she went to him and prayed with him, and together they had a strong urge to sing. During the ceremony, Valeria began spontaneously to sing .... a beautiful song .... and it touched me that she has been singing this song for me ..... thank you dear Valeria! In fact, the support from the group to me was very big ... during the ceremonies they all prayed a lot for me and they always wished me a good trip .... I want to thank you all with all my heart! Eventually It was my turn and I told Agustin of my visions. He listened to everything always quite calm .... but never said much .... you have to find out for yourself what it means. Also to my surgery, he did not say a lot .... he said my bones were very soft and the cancer was in several places and he would treat me further. Holger also told how the ceremony went for him ... that he was very tired and did not see anything .... But unfortunately, Holger was not alone .... there were several participants who had seen nothing. I would like to mention that Holger also took all the medicine, and has been through all the detoxification, he was there at all the ceremonies .... EVERYTHING .... just to support me and to give me the feeling that I was not alone! ! When you consider that he is not a believer and not even Spiritual (at least he was not before Peru) and all of this he has done only out of love for me. I am so very grateful to this man by my side, and the love I feel for him, I can not express in words, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ..... .... I love you so much! After the meeting swimming was back on the agenda .... I've never bathed as often as in Peru! At 11.00 clock we could take a clay bath .... it is also known as the Fountain of Youth. Holger and I did not take part ..... we did not need it ... as beautiful as we are already! .... Haha ... Seriously ... we used this time for us ... talked a lot and tried to process all the experiences. At 12:00 clock there was lunch .... as I think you know ... There were vegetables and rice! But before that there was a soup.
At 14.00 o´ clock we all marched together through the jungle to a 4000 year old tree. Before you think .... okay ... lets have a look at it! Suddenly you stand in front of it and is overcome with emotion. You feel so small and vulnerable.
I stood in front of this tree, and I just cried .... everything came up .... my sadness, my despair, my strong desire for healing, the longing for my children ... you name it! I only saw that Holger turned and was crying as well. It happened to many of us ... and above all those of us who were sick were really affected emotionally! This tree is so beautiful and has such a magical effect .... but I also think it really has to be experienced. Everyone could then stand really close to the tree ... to touch it and talk to it. You should tell everything to the tree .... share your wishes and you could cry ... cry ... just do what you felt like. Agustin said that the tree has the forces and would help you .... I am convinced that it is so! These moments I will never forget in my life ... it was a very special experience! Then we marched back again .... We had a look at Agustin's banana plantation and a bathe .... finally! Around 17:00 o´clock there was dinner ... vegetables and rice ... but this time there was also Juka palm chopsticks. And then there was the absolute highlight .... who wanted to could have a coffee ... it was Nescafe .... you will not believe how good that coffee was! Then we all sat together talking, smoking Mapachos and exchanging our ointments against mosquitoes . We were all bitten .... you could spray as often as you wanted ... I think the mosquitoes were laughing about it! About 20.00 o´clock we went to bed .... in the jungle you will always sleep early!
In the night we both woke up several times because it rained so much ... so I'm now trying out my rubber boots. Before the mornings 7.00 o´clock medicine intake we washed ourselves ... In front of the hut was a bench, where we had a bowl of water ... that was our sink! We were cleaning our teeth ... Holger shaved and everything always without a mirror.... we had not seen ourselves in a mirror since our arrival ... I think it was better that way!! Sun .. then off we went .... the whole camp was under water, but this was not bad ... because everything was built on piers.
The medicine was always more ... now we were at 4 glasses! I was always grateful inside that I was able to take this wonderful medicine (even if it did not taste wonderful) .... I closed my nose ... and swallowed! We always thought that this medicine must make wonders, when you looked at Agustin still top fit with his 80 years! Then swim was back on the agenda, and then breakfast.
Today was not my day .... somehow I felt very sad and very tired. Holger said I had not looked this bad for a long time ... I could not see me! Already on the way to breakfast I fought back tears and the rest of the day was like this .... I was really uncomfortable, and I really had no reason to. The others all reacted very sweet and said I should just let the tears run ... this would belong to the healing process. Maybe it was true. The last weeks had been very stressful because I had to pull myself together. I did not want my daughter Vivien to know how serious it was with me. Even the trip to Peru .... I told her that there is a shaman who has healed many people, and I wanted to see if he could help me. She never knew that it was all about life and death. So I always pulled myself together whenever she was around me ... and that was mostly! It had taken a lot of my strength ... maybe that had to get out now.
Holger took a picture of me and as I saw it in the display, I was shocked to see how bloated I looked ... everything was very thick ... my feet were so swollen ... they fitted only in my rose garden sandals!
After the swim, we made a call to our family for the first time since we arrived in the jungle. Our cabin consisted of 4 floors and if you went all the way up ... and was very lucky ... you had telephone reception. My mother answered .I was crying so much, that I hardly could speak .... they must have thought that we went through hell ... she encouraged me and told me to hold on .... I think she nearly had a breakdown after the phone call was over. Then Kevin my son came on the phone and wanted to know what's what ... he was very interested and was quite sure that I would be healthy. Vivien my little one was just crying on the phone ... she missed us so much! It was very nice to talk to them ...but I´m not quite sure that it brightened my mood. Holger made a call to his family as well and then we went to the meeting place.
Today we went to a neighbouring camp to make "sticks of desire". The place was fortunately not far away ... about ½ hour … I couldn´t have walked any longer today with my big feet. I felt so sick. There we collected leaves and flowers. Every leaf, every flower should be brought in connection with a request. After that we tied our desire leaves and flowers on a Stick .... it were real works of art here. They should then be taken into the next mornings Ayuasca session.
At 11:00 clock we were back again, and went to our cabin. There Holger discovered a giant tarantula! He ran down to tell this .... I was in the cabin and did not let the spider out of sight. Unfortunately the tarantula had to be killed. After it was thrown into the bushes. Its feet were still in the cabin. Holger pushed them out with some leaves!
13.00 clock lunch ..... today it was rice, beans, tomatoes, and even small pieces of chicken ... and then off course a swim again!
Then Holger and I entertained ourselves with Rossana (Agustin's daughter). Rossana is a wonderful person and I had taken her to my heart from the first moment. She always had a listening ear and some good advice ... for me it was always the right words. Rossana noticed my sadness and I told her that I was afraid of not being able to be healed .... and it worried me that Agustin expressed so little to me. She told me to go to her dad and openly talk to him. They also asked me if I had once had shingles? To This I could immediately answer yes, because I had it right on my 30 birthday and two more followed. She explained that cancer often occurs after a shingles .... I had never heard that before ... but it was very interesting. We talked for a long time and drank a delicious coffee.
Agustin has subsequently held a talk about .... Ayuasca, this wonderful healing plant. He has a lot of humour in his stories, and it was always a pleasure to listen to him. Guildo Rossanas husband was always our interpreter ..... he translated sentence by sentence very patiently and sometimes he gave the impression he already knew the stories by heart .... but in between even Guildo had to smile .... expressing his joy when he heard something new! After the talk, we had the option to talk to Agustin. I told him about my fears and asked if he believed he could cure me. He said he did not want to make any false promises to me and give me hope now if later I might not be cured. But I was still with him in this treatment and everything else would later become evident. I should be patient and believe in it firmly myself. Of course that was not what I wanted to hear, but I appreciated his honesty very much.
After dinner (rice and vegetables) Rossana did card reeding for us. We sat in a circle and listened very excitedly to what she had to say to each of us. She saw that I would be healthy and that the way I had chosen ,would be exactly the right one. She saw me at the end happily and harmoniously together with my family and we could see that she was really happy about my map. Then she asked, if I had once had a miscarriage? And I answered it in the affirmative .... 9 years ago! She says she could see my baby ... and then I felt the pain of this loss. Many things I had recognized with the help of Clemens Kuby ... always in search of the cause of the mental reason for my illness .... I never had this thought about my miscarriage .... I and have always repressed that pain. ... I had found the cause now? Rossana was sure that it was so!
Now Holger's turn .... in Holger's cards papa Agustin appeared, and that we came here just at the right time. Holger would always have enough money in his life, and we were seen as a happy family!
Actually, we don´t believe in these things and have had bad experiences with it in the past ..... but when it comes to such positive statements you would like believing in it very much .... and I could not stop thinking about my baby! About 21.00 clock we left the cozy lap and went to bed.
As always 7.00 o´clock medicine .... today it was 5 glasses .... Help ...it is always more! It became increasingly difficult to drink it, and for many a glass it took 3 tries ... but we did it!
Then again after the bath we had breakfast ..... I signed up voluntarily to the diet with Moni ... that meant no spices, no sugar, no coffee and no more cigarettes! Mapachos only were allowed. Was I now becoming crazy? I had done it but only because I found that the diet-food looked delicious .... there was always fresh tomatoes and cucumbers! After breakfast we had coffee .... but I stayed strong ..... coffee ... who needs coffee?
Today we had free time until 12.00 o´ clock .... so we went up to our cabin ....On the way up there Holger smoked with relish his cigarette and I suffered! Once there I said to Holger: " Up here ... no one will notice, that I'm smoking a cigarette" So I was weak after an hour ... smoked my cigarette and I felt like a teenager sneaking into the corner to smoke! After a while we went down to the others.... Moni came up to me and asked if I had been smoking ... after confessing to her, we decided to smoke some more .... we were eating so much healthier now ... that was what was important! Now there was only the problem with the coffee ..... oh ... coffee's actually not that bad ..... the main thing is that the food is much healthier!
Rossana went with Holger, Arnold (Arnold also had cancer) and me to an Ayuasca plant and said we should touch it and ask mother Ayuasca for healing tonight ... and tell her all that concerns us ..... so we had a peaceful conversation with Mother Ayuasca!
Until lunch we sat in the sun, just letting our minds wander.
After my delicious unseasoned lunch we were asked go and sleep for a while, so that we would be fit for the evenings Ayuasca ceremony . We were not tired ... so I went with Holger to swim all alone in silence.
Today we should all already meet at 16.00 o´clock since Agustin expected his son Viejo. The ceremony was held today in honor of a girlfriend of Viejo who had her birthday the next day. There was a very happy atmosphere ... Viejo sung for us .. and he sings really very nice ... especially a song he had written for his father once I loved very much ... for me he could have sung it again and again. Father and son sang a few songs together ..... Agustin told a few stories from Viejos youth and we drank our tea.
In general, the feeling was much more relaxed before this ceremony ... I was not afraid anymore.
Now it was time again .... the process was as the first time and we took the Ayuasca. Holger even drank 2 glasses! This time, Agustin's son Viejo went to each participant and blew the smoke on head, face, spine and soul. After he had been with us .... I watched Holger, Holger's pony tail was standing on end .... probably some spit landed in it .... that was really funny!
The atmosphere of the ceremony was different than the first time .... Viejos healing chants were louder and more powerful .... Agustin's peaceful and full of love ... father and son took turns. More and more participants were brave and sang in between a song. Suddenly Agustin said: "Holger sing"! I think everyone could hear the gulp! Holger said he could remember no texts and that he was totally taken by surprise .... who! Holger knows that this no one will be able to believe, because he is almost always the entertainer! Holger did promise then to prepare something for the next ceremony.
After a while I felt like my head was heavy and I heard a voice that said hi to me ... but I knew that voice! .... There is only one person who says hello this way ... and that is Kevin my son ... and I saw him! I looked to my left and he was in front of me .... I looked to the right and he was in front of me .... I could not believe it! Kevin smiled at me and said to me: "Mom, you always care for everyone else, stop it .... take care of you now ,only you .... and Mama, you'll come home and be healthy! then he was gone again! Before I had time to process what I had seen, I suddenly saw a cloud .... a fluffy huge cloud ... and from the cloud came a warm orange beam .... It began very narrow and as it came downward to us it was broadening . As I stood in this jet of light suddenly my chest opened, and I felt quite free. For years, my chest closed up and was always so hard .... but now everything was very easy and I felt no more fear inside me .... it was a wonderful feeling and has remained with me up to this day! I asked Holger if he had any visions? ..... He said no, it was okay .. so .. . I told him that I saw Kevin!
Now Agustin went again to each participant and blew smoke in the face and gave us a kiss on the forehead .... these are the little things you never forget.
After a while I was picked up for surgery .... as always, the bed was cleaned with lots of smoke, and I lay down. I closed my eyes and was very calm and relaxed .... again, I thanked for my healing. Agustin was standing in front of me ... it was very quiet and this time I was not even touched. Holger told me later that he had two rods in his hand and moved them all the time. The whole thing took quite a while ... and after he finished he told me I could sit up now. He looked at me very sweet and said he have had to cut away very deep and very much ... the OP had been very successful and that I can now run again like a young deer! Very successful? What did that mean? I was healthy now? Or was successfully ... that we were a lot closer to my healing? I thanked him and went back to my place. Holger took me in his arms we feelt good ... because it was the first positive statement that we received! Afterward followed other healings and after 7 hours our second Ayuasca ceremony ended. It was a beautiful ceremony.
We were standing outside a little while with the others and everyone was very excited ... everybody was happy for me ... Moni and Martina were sure I'd be healed. Holger and I had a strong urge to go to Agustin to say thank you again.
Before Agustin knew it, he was embraced by Holger and kissed repeatedly on the cheeks .. Holger kept saying thank you .. thank you ... thank you ... and told him how much he loved him! Unfortunately I can not show my emotions as Holger ... so I said thank you a lot more peaceful and just took him in my arms. Agustin smiled at us very sweet and modest .... yes .... he is always humble!
Today we were taking medicine at 8.00 o´clock as the ceremony the evening before had continued until the early hours.
6 glasses .... and this time some participants vomited the first time. Then bathe again and breakfast (rice and vegetables)! Then I had a coffee and smoked my first cigarette in front of Agustin ... I felt really bad .... he noted it and said nothing .... I felt even worse. But he is like this.... he tells you something ... but you have to translate it in to action yourself ... and he takes you quite the way you are .... even with your weaknesses.
We talked for a while and then we went to the roof of our hut to call home. Kevin answered and I told him all excited about my surgery and that he appeared to me in my vision ... Kevin thought it was all very exciting and kept asking: "! Mama, really did you see me" Unfortunately, he has not felt that he was with me! Holger then phoned his parents and all had the great hope that I was healed.
After lunch (rice and vegetables), we had our meeting. Everyone talked about his visions ... some as Holger didn´t have any! I told Agustin what I had experienced and asked what he had meant by saying, that my surgery was successful. He looked at the sky for a while then he looked at me and said: "I have asked my spiritual helpers again and they just confirmed it to me ..... Natalie, you're HEALED. While writing this I get goosebumps again. Holger sitting next to me began to cry ... he kept saying THANK YOU .... and told Agustin that he is the best. I couldn´t cry I could not even think straight ... I thanked him and was quite quiet. So .. that was it?
8 years ... all these horrible treatments ... all this pain .... and only 5 days at the shaman Don Agustin .... and I was cured .... It did not want to get into the head!
I just kept thinking ... I'm cured! It's hard to describe what was going on inside! We went up to our cabin ... Holger said, "I told you that you would be healthy." The feeling was indescribable ... and yet the fear still lurking in me, can it really be so? I really wanted to believe it, because also for some time I have had no more pain! But ... what if it was not true?
At 17.00 o´clock we all met for dinner ... everybody was mad with joy ...together we had seen a miracle .. and some even thanked for it, that they were allowed to be present at my healing! It was an honor that they were there ... they've given me so much love, which helped me up when I was completely down ... if I was bad ... you always offered to help ... I thank you all with all my heart. I love you ..!
After our delicious rice with vegetables we had the evening free again. I went to Rossana and showed her my feet ... now they were so swollen that I could not move my toes ... I thought my skin would burst. Rossana was horrified that I hadn´t showed her this until now .... at once I had to lie down, they put quite a lot of pillows under my feet and then she went of to her Papa to tell. After a while she came back with a bowl with a really great smelling liquid and I had a long foot bath. Then came Marlene (Agustin's wife) and rubbed my feet and legs with a white powder. Then came Agustin and said, "Oh ... Thrombosa" Now, I had the honor to get my feet massaged for about an hour from the chief himself ... who can say they got that treatment!! Then we went to bed ... it had been a tough day .... even positive emotions can make you exhausted.
That whole night it was raining heavily and the next morning the whole camp was under water ... where the chickens normally were running around ... was now only water ... our bathtub was again full!
My feet are back to normal ... juhuuu!
7.00 o´Clock ... medicine ... 6 glasses ... the ginger medicine is really hard to drink ... I gag just smelling it ... Agustin is smiling when he pours it in our glasses ... I think he is having fun watching us ... I´ll get it down ... but how?
Bath ... breakfast ... the best part is the subsequent coffee.
This morning we can do what we want ... we decided to call home .... my mom answered and I told her that I'm cured .... she could not stop crying .... Kevin came to the phone and keept saying only: "! it´s not possible .... Mama ... it´s not possible ... it's a miracle" My mother came again to the phone and said, "Natalie, you now firmly believe that it is so ... and then it will be!" Holger's parents went mad as well ... but I understand that nobody could really believe it! We hung up and I got a text message from my son Kevin ... with this text:
When the mind is focused on something with purpose, then the energy of the universe will work through you. In this way healing happens. Quote: Don Agustin
Then we sat down and talked to Rossana. She asked again about my miscarriage, and I told her that I just did not want the baby and had even thought about having an abortion. We then decided to have it anyway and were looking forward to it. In the first 20 weeks I went through the normal precautions and when my baby was dead I thought it was a punishment ... because I did not want it from the start. They told me to have a baby again ... that this would be the definitive cure for my soul. At that moment I could not even imagine it ... Kevin is 19 and Vivien is 12 ..to start again from scratch? But who knows what life has prepared for us still!
After lunch, we were asked to go and have a nap, because of the ceremony later . We could not sleep ... Holger went for a walk and I lay down on the bed. I thought of my baby and wished that I would see it tonight at the Ayuasca ceremony, so I could apologize to it and tell how much we would have liked to have it with us.
We put on our white clothes and went to the meeting. Viejo turned up again and ... we sung and drank tea and then we went to the temple. I drank one cup Ayuasca.... Holger two. We sat and enjoyed the music and drumming ...while we heard the vomiting from other participants .... I was this time as a healthy woman! Then Agustin said: "Holger sing!" He had not forgotten! Holger whistled ... somewhere over the rainbow ... but he could not stop thinking that he had promised to sing, but only had whistled ... and he started to sing .... Here in the jungle there calls the drum! And then he called on all of us to sing along ..... there he was again ... the entertainer! Arnold had to sing and whistle ... Come to Underberg! You had to listen quite closely because it was more blowing than singing. I had during the ceremony hardly any visions, I saw in between faces and patterns ... and once my fingers glowed .... I did not see my baby!
Holger had no visions again and he wondered why that was? Now began the healing and we watched .... at some point we went out briefly to go to the toilet and there was a person coming towards us only in underpants ... he had not made it fast enough to the loo! In the end, we danced together again!
Today everyone got only one a glass of medicine ... we could not quite believe it ... but no one complained! At 8.30 after the swim we all met because we were going for a hike, about 8 miles through the jungle! The jungle was very muddy from all the rain ... luckily I had my wellies but Holger with his cheap sneakers without profile had to fight properly ... it was more slipping through the jungle than going. It was very hot and we were all soaking wet from sheer sweating.
On the way we made a stop at Agustin's school, were we were allowed to visit .... but first we went to the large gym, because there, the inhabitants had built a small bazaar for us. There they all sat in a circle with their handmade jewelry, pipes, bags, etc. The selection was so big and colorful and I would have preferred to buy something from every one .... when you consider that this great effort was made for only us 16 people . We bought some souvenirs for our family and there was suddenly Rossana distributing Coca Cola .... delicious cold Coke .... it was the best Coke I'd been drinking all my life .... Holger bought a piece of Watermelon and then we went out.
Agustin has put a lot of time, effort and money into this school. It consists of a few small buildings (classrooms), a football field (the markings are made of grass) and the large gymnasium / auditorium. In the middle of the playground is a big globe and here geography is taught! Currently approx. 500 children comes to this school and his dream is ... that 5000 children can go to school and receive an education. But then more classrooms need to be built and it still needs a lot of time and especially money. Looking into the classrooms you got goose bumps .... this would be unimaginable for our children ... very simple tables and chairs ... and that's it! In an adjoining room were all the school books and notebooks. If you could see how happy the kids were ... they have so little and are happy anyway. If you really want to do something good for a great cause ... Don´t hesitate to give a donation. We were able to see with our own eyes how much it is needed there and how meaningful it is used. We had a few notebooks and pens with us and the joy of the children was so great. Please contact us, if you are interested in donating to this school. We will meet Don Agustin in Bad Meinberg the 11.05.2013 and would like to hand over an envelope with donations.
Here in the camp, there were two little girls ... Hilda and Scarlet ... 14 and 10 years old. Hilda always had a smile on her face ... it was pure sunshine. In the morning at 7.00 o´clock these girls were in the kitchen and helped preparing the breakfast .... then they set the table .... then they served us our breakfast .... Then they cleared the table and did the dishes . And then they went to clean the rooms ... make beds .... they helped to wash our clothes ... and then the same for lunch and dinner. They worked all day without once making faces .... I wish I could send my daughter here once ...For her it is too much to clean up her own room!
Every time Hilda had a break, she came up to visit us at our cabin .... She talked and talked and all in Spanish ... we did not understand a word. Eventually we had the idea to draw our conversations ... she was very happy with us! Once she asked if I had nail polish ... but unfortunately I didn´t. I had a lipstick ... actually I do not spend a lot of money on make-up ... but since my son is a make-up artist, he persuaded me to buy a good one .... So I had my first luxury lipstick by Chanel at age 38 .... and then I gave it to Hilda .... oh well ... I will once again buy the cheap ones.
Hilda was so happy ... and every time I ran past her ... she very proudly showed off her lips and smiled at me.
So now, back to our trip .... because it went further ... we had to walk quite a bit to the Amazon, and then we went on a boat ... because today we had the honor to see Agustin´s cows!
After about an hour on our way there, we were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery and stopped at another camp in order to eat lunch. It was a typical Peruvian meal which was served very decorative. Outside, we admired the large cocoa trees and then we continued! Another hour boat ride and we were there! On the shore we were expected by many young children happy because they knew that we would have candy and clothes for them. There were about 20 people living in a small space. They took care of Don Agustin´s cows. In return Agustin provided them with clothing and food as well as he could. Here you could again feel how little man really needs to be happy!
After a two hour boat ride and climbing up a steep hill .... we saw them at last .... Agustin cows ... his pride and joy! After we had admired them and stroked them, the things, we had brought were distributed .... including the candy! Our mouths began to water ... we would have liked to eat it ourselves.
Now I just need to think of Moni.... Moni during the ceremonies were always wrapped in a blanket Spongebob .... if you looked over at her ... you saw more Spongebob than Moni! Moni was so happy that she was able to give this blanket to a mother for her baby.
Then suddenly we were surprised by such a downpour and we all got soaking wet. And then came the mosquitoes ... we all looked like crumb cake! We did not walk back to the boat .... we slid! Then again the whole ride back ... but Marlene had a surprise for us allright ... she had baked cakes and, there was coffee ... now it was a real walk in the park .... there was a lot of laughing and we had fun ... what a piece of cake can do! Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, we pulled into a large wave ..... and again we were all wet!
We came back late as expected ... and since we still had about 2 hours of walking through the jungle ahead of us, the fear was great, not to arrive at the camp before dark. Guido was already nervous and built a precautionary spear .... should we be surprised by animals.
The way back was quite funny ... We did quite a lot of loud singing ... that probably protected us from the animals .... we were covered in mud from top to toe and Holger's shoes slowly gave up the ghost.
When we arrived at the camp we all gratefully went into our large community - Bath!
Now we were looking forward to our dinner .... delicious vegetables and rice! Then we all sat together comfortably and let the evening end.
We did not know this morning … today would be our last day in the jungle!
We went like every morning to take our medicine at 7.00 o´clock .. 7 glasses ... and it was harder than ever before for me this morning ... it made me shake! Finally we got this ginger medicine ... I looked at my glass and just could not drink it .... It really disgusted me and I almost started crying ... I said to Holger: "I cannot get it down. "Holger took my glass and tipped it secretly into the bushes ... except for a very small sip .... I drank it ... and luckily it was the last time! Should I have to take this medicine again in my life ... I would be very hard!
Then we went swimming and then to breakfast.
Holger and I were both very quiet this morning . We both wanted to leave and go to Lima to recover for 2-3 days. Although I felt healthy and also really wanted to firmly believe that I was healed ... there was still this fear .... what if not? What if this would be our last trip together? Somehow, I wanted to spend some days alone with my husband again ... I relax with him ... To once again have a little holiday feeling together. Because even though it really looked like the jungle paradise and we really had experienced so much ... Great, it was still very very hard!
Meanwhile, there was no space left on our bodies that were not bruised and we almost scratched ourselves to death.
We shared our thoughts with Arnold and he asked ... whether it would be okay with us if he would join us? .... Since long he had reached his limits and could not go on any more!
We considered to first speak with Valeria and Rossana about it.
They were totally surprised .... we tried to explain why we wanted to and they asked us to think about it again .... I felt bad and totally guilty. Rossana said she would talk to her dad about it and hear what he thought. Meanwhile Holger and I were discussing back and forth about what we should do now.
I was reminded of Kevin's words that I heard during my vision ... he said I should now only take care of myself .... and I was just about to forget it … to not hurt the others. My gut feeling told me that it would be good to spend some wonderful days again with Holger.
Afterwards Rossana told us that it was ok with Agustin if we left and that it was our decision ... We went up and packed our backpacks ... it was a very strange feeling .... somehow I was glad to be able to go and on the other side I felt very sad to leave this beautiful place, and above all these wonderful people!
Then we met again with Rossana and she wrote down everything important. I was given specific instructions to which medicine I should I still take for one year and since I had to cook it .... I had to solemnly promise to do so! She also explained to me that I had to change my whole life .... eat healthier and be more aware of myself and my body .... and I should never forget the things I've learned in the jungle. She also felt my bad conscience and took me in her arms and said that it was perfectly fine that we left now and that they could understand it .... We were sitting there ... arm in arm, and were both crying .. .. she looked me in the eyes and said how much she loved me and that she from the beginning believed very strongly in me. Not a day passes where I do not think of Rossana .... I am so thankful that I got to know this wonderful person ... she has and will always have a very special place in my heart.
Rossana took care of everything .... she made sure I got my medicine in Iguitos.... that Agustin's other daughter Tete met us down at the Amazon to take us to her hotel .... and there Tete arranged a taxi to take us to the airport and even escorted us there.
But before all that we had to say good bye. The other participants reacted in very different ways .... I think some were stunned ... just sad ... I hope they could understand us somehow!
After we all had said our goodbyes, we went to Agustin.
How do you say goodbye to someone who just given you a second life .... you want to say so much .... but no words can describe what you feel ... the gratitude and love I have for these people is simply not Writeable .... I'm sure that he could feel it!
I took him in my arms and just said thank you .... my THANK meant so much more and I know he knew it .... The tears only ran and I could not say anything more.
Then Holger said goodbye .... he promised that we would see each other again ... thanked him repeatedly and told Agustin how much he love him .... Agustin looked at him and pointed to his heart and said, "I feel Your love right here! "Sad ... very very sad ... we went to the exit, where Rossana there waiting for us .... we did not talk much … we could not ... because Rossana and I were only crying ... we promised to write and she said she would come to visit us in Germany.
And then off we went again ... 8 kilometers through the jungle. It was very hot and very tiring ... I did not make it all the way carrying my backpack ... then poor Holger had to carry 2 backpacks! I do not know how ... but we made it. First, I bought us a cold Coke and then we went to the boats .... and there Tete was waiting already! The boat ride was very pleasant ... we enjoyed the cool breeze and took one last look at the landscape and the Amazon. We were both very quiet and thoughtful.
After about 1-1/2 hours, we arrived in Iguitos ... and went to Tete's Hotel ... there we got our passports and a bag full of medicine! And then we were already in the taxi. on the way to the airport. 18.15 we arrived and booked our flight ... we were so lucky because at 19.00 o´clock there was a plane to Lima. Holger had just enough time to put fresh jeans on in the toilet and to leave his sneakers ... which could only go in the garbage ... the last jungle march had finally done it! So now he had to do with his flip flops. We said goodbye to Tete and then we went to the plane .... I think the other passengers and the crew just marveled at us ... ... totally sweaty dirty and mosquito bitten ... I think we offered a great look!
After a two hour flight we landed in Lima ... there we were received by a taxi driver ... Rossana had taken care of this also! We told him we would like a nice but cheap hotel
The first hotel we looked at ... we got stuck in the elevator ... this was a good sign, so we kept looking!
The next hotel we liked .... but the price increased every 5 minutes .... we did not know why so off we went!
We took the third hotel ... it was just a block from the beach and the price was right. Since we had to wait half an hour until we could get the room, we asked the taxi driver Mario if he could drive us to a pharmacy! We could´t stand the itching any longer. The pharmacist was really astonished ...they had never seen something like that before .... and only at the third pharmacy were they able to give us something against it. We got tablets and ointments, and hoped very much that this would help!
At 24.00 o´clock we got our room and the first thing we did was taking a shower, ... it was just gorgeous! The next morning we had a scrumptious breakfast and then enjoyed a nice day. We went for a long walk at the seaside ... we went sightseeing in Lima ... sunned ourselves and really recovered.
The three days in Lima did us really good l! But Holger had big problems with his digestion ... I think the normal food is getting to him! He had the first time in his life, constipation!
Now the day of our departure had arrived .... we were looking forward to see our kids and they could not wait to see us ... everyone was probably very curious how we would look after our jungle stay!
After a very exciting journey by taxi (the procedure can not be compared with Germany) we were very happy that we arrived alive at the airport in Lima.
We were looking forward to see the other participants as we flew together to Amsterdam. So we were disappointed about their reactions ... we were greeted very scarcely, then they kept out of our way ... we'd still really like to chat with them and exchange our impressions ...was it only because we had left earlier? We had been through so much together .... but it was very hard for us to understand this! But okay, I did not want to worry and I was even more so looking forward to see my family.
Today I know that they were worried and did not really know how to deal with the situation ... They were afraid that we had made a mistake! More so, I'm happy that we write regularly and have a strong bond with each other!
Our flight was delayed and therefore we missed our connecting flight from Amsterdam to Cologne. So we had to wait another 5 hours in Amsterdam until a plane finally went to Cologne. Holgers constipation gave him really great problems ... at Starbucks they even gave him a painkiller!
But this time passed and finally we were there! Vivien fell weeping into our arms ... she was very overwhelmed with the whole situation ... Kevin was not there ... unfortunately he had waited for us all this time and then at some point decided to go to the carnival .. . because it was Carnival in Cologne! I sent him a text message that we were back ... it took less than half an hour and there he was at our door with about 10 friends! The joy was great and he kept saying to his friends: "Look, this is my mother ... and she is healthy!" We talked for a while and then after a 24 hours journey home we went to bed.
The next few days all our friends came and wanted to know everything in detail ... That´s why I had the idea with the diary!
Unfortunately the daily routine came back very quickly ... But for us a new life has begun ... I'm finally healthy! The whole family had suffered very much in recent years... Vivien had been in psychological treatment because she was overwhelmed by the situation ... it was too bad when my adult son was crying because he was afraid of losing me ... and Holger he ... always tried to be strong for me, but there were some situations where we both just sat side by side crying .
This had all come to an end ... and yet there was still this fear! I wanted to make time to be examined ... I wanted to decide this very spontaneously ... if I felt strong enough to do so. I took my daily jungle medicine and felt good. Everyone also found that I looked much better and I was full of energy.
Holger had birthday on February 27th .... I brought my daughter to school in the morning and just continued to the hospital and I didn´t tell anyone! They made several studies ... took blood samples ... I was sent into the tube, etc. And then they asked me to come again the next morning. The next day I nearly didn´t dare to go ... so great was my fear! But I made the effort!
What I experienced then ... I can not describe .... I was cured ... I was healthy! The doctors looked at me stunned .... they knew of my trip to Peru, and said it was a miracle!
They said I should come back in 3 months for a check and I said NO! I thanked them for all they had done for me and told them that I will never again occupy myself with the issue of cancer. I was cured and it would stay that way!
I will never again set foot in a hospital. I do not want to deal with it any more. 8 years have passed and now it's enough!
I'm focusing now on the finer things in life ... enjoy my family and my life. Now I'm looking forward to the spring and summer without ever having to think ... I hope it's not my last!
Now I will see my children get married ... someday I will be grandma .... There still is many countries to go to with my husband, travel to Bali ... yes .... now I can also go to Bali!
I thank my family with all my heart, because without them I would not have done anything.
I thank Holger the best man in the world, for his love and support ... it certainly was not always easy with me ... but he was always there for me ... really!
I'm so sorry that my childrens childhood was so troubled ... but now we will make up for much. Also they were always there for me ... they cleaned if I could not ... many times they had to cook for themselves!
I'm so proud of them ... they are two very wonderful and strong personalities.
I thank Don Agustin for my recovery ... I'm so glad that I got to know this wonderful and loving shaman ... he has changed my life ... what he has done for me cannot be paid with all money in the world. I love him with all my heart.
Not a day passes when we do not talk about Peru, Don Agustin and all participants .... I am dreaming almost every night of the jungle and I know I will be there again soon.
I again thank all participants for their support ... ... the good conversations ... their sympathy and for their faith in me.
Thank you Valeria …that we were allowed to join the trip to Peru on such short notice ... that you've always believed in me ... and also again! for the beautiful song ... I look forward to see you soon, when you come to visit .... then you have to sing it again for me! I will cook delicious rice with vegetables ... SMILE!
I hope that we will all meet again ... we surely will laugh a lot together and cry.
THANK YOU .... THANK YOU ... THANK YOU!
Now I'm looking forward to May 11 because then I may finally see Papa Agustin again.
I'd like to thank for the many kind messages that I have received ... also from the people I never knew before .... it is so nice that there are so many good people in this world.
Who ever want to know more, please contact me.